“You’re Worthless”
Porn tells people that they're worthless in several subtle ways. First, there are the lies that porn tells to those who’ve viewed porn over a period of time. Porn tells you that you can’t ever quit. You’re a hopeless case.
Maybe you’ve tried and tried – over and over again – to quit viewing porn. You feel helpless and stuck in a cycle of guilt and shame. [1]
You hate the isolation of porn. You hate how you look at people as objects to be used for your pleasure. You hate how you spend hours of your life glued to the screen. [2] [3]
You need to know that there's a biological reason you keep turning back to porn. There are also psychological and even emotional reasons for an unwanted porn habit. You can conquer porn with the right tools and help. You don’t have to feel stuck and worthless anymore.
Partners of porn users also struggle with feelings of worthlessness!
Why? Because porn introduces ugly comparison lies into relationships. When one partner views porn, the other partner often feels worthless in a few significant ways. [4] This is part of betrayal trauma. They often wonder: Why am I not enough for my partner? [5]
Or there’s this toxic lie. I need to perform and look like a porn star in the bedroom, but that makes me feel like I can never live up to those unrealistic expectations! Great sex in real life means both partners seek to please each other. Both should enjoy sex.
Here’s reality. Very few of us look like air-brushed porn star models. Instead, we actually deserve to be loved for who we are, imperfections and all.
And we know something else porn won’t tell you: YOU are amazing, and your one and only life matters!
Once you know the lies of porn, you are empowered to defeat them with the truth. You can escape the crushing shame and feelings of worthlessness. You can become who you were meant to be!
You might feel worn down, tired and hopeless because the lies of porn have told you there is no way out. You might feel like you are so far gone because you’ve tried so many times to end your relationship with porn without success. Or, perhaps you love someone stuck in an endless cycle of indulgence and regret.
[1] https://psychcentral.com/lib/breaking-the-cycle-of-shame-and-self-destructive-behavior
[2] Randy Gilliland, Mikle South, Bruce N. Carpenter & Sam A. Hardy (2011) The Roles of Shame and Guilt in Hypersexual Behavior, Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, 18:1, 12-29, DOI: 10.1080/10720162.2011.551182
[3] Butler, M. H., Pereyra, S. A., Draper, T. W., Leonhardt, N. D., & Skinner, K. B. (2018). Pornography Use and Loneliness: A Bidirectional Recursive Model and Pilot Investigation. Journal of sex & marital therapy, 44(2), 127–137. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2017.1321601
[4] https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/relationships/a16178/husband-addicted-pornography-jul02/
[5] https://mindwellnyc.com/top-betrayal-trauma-signs-triggers-strategies-to-recovery-2022/